Making this blog has taken me a billion years. If I am being honest, my hesitation comes from insecurity. Not because I have nothing to say. My entire life is consumed by worship and kingdom. I wake up thinking of it, eat thinking of it, sleep dreaming of it. I sing right around seven days a week. I am a worship leader for two organizations. I have my own singing and speaking ministry. I give private singing lessons. I attend multiple rehearsals a week. So other than Jesus and music, sometimes I have no life lol.
To be honest with you, I was never that little girl that wanted to grow up and sing. I liked music, I enjoyed singing, but i never thought much of it. I always say I started singing accidentally. However, I know all things in God are no accident. I was 12 years old when someone didn’t show up to sing for offering at my local church. At the time I was a new christian, so I basically knew just one song. That night I ended up singing the only song I knew “Levanto mis Manos by Samuel Hernandez”. After that, word spread quickly of this tiny girl who sang and I haven’t stopped singing since.
This year is my 12th year of ministry. Serving God has been the best and worst decision I have ever made. Now before you crucify me for being honest, let me explain. There is nothing greater than loving Jesus. However accepting his call brings many challenges. I was so little when I first started ministry. Forget the fact that I had school five times a week. My weekends were filled with ministry related things. I didn’t get to hang out at the mall with friends or go to a lame kick back lol. My focus was kingdom. You know what it is like to talk kingdom to twelve year olds … they think you’re crazy. Ministry was lonely. The adults didn’t take me seriously and kids didn’t understand me. The call over my life was real. Even when I tried to be like everyone else, there was a voice in my heart that reminded me I was different.
You don’t understand, when I decided to follow Jesus … I was serious. I allowed him to be in full control of everything. From who I was friends with, to who I dated. Some might think its over board, but if God has full control of your life, then you know what im talking about.
So anyways ………. The reason I took so long doing this was insecurity. You don’t understand how much self doubt I have had to overcome. End of 2011 I was a hot mess. I was broken hearted, the church had beat me up, and I was working from a place of frustration. I was ready to call it quits. The problem was that for years I worked alone. No mentorship,no guidance. I always winged it. I did not invest in my self as a singer, specially not as a leader. Truth is that while trying to find identity as a person, I also had to find identity as a minister. For years I masked my insecurities with diva characteristics. Along the way I hurt a lot of people. Sometimes I beat my self up over conversations and confrontations that were out of order. I didn’t know any better. No one ever showed me what a good leader looked like. So I can’t change the past, but I chose to change the present and I refused to be the same in the future.
This blog is not to tell you I am perfect. This blog is created to show you, that you are not alone. This blog is intended for us to grow together. The more worship leaders I meet, the more I know we all have the same questions. I have spent a couple years now in mentorship. Studying how God moves through worship. Who I am in the Kingdom and how I am designed to restore people that previous leaders have sometimes shattered. There are too many worship leaders that don’t understand how vital worship is to the house of God. I believe God is lifting a generation of people who are tired of mediocre worship. A generation with a new mindset, not positional leaders, but people in search of His glory. People who will bring heaven to earth wherever they go. People of balance, who seek the spiritual as much as they seek improving their musical talents. I’m so ready for a worship revival … are you?
I am ready for all the people who will say ” who does this chick think she is?”. For all the people waiting to correct all the commas and periods I’m missing, for all those who will read just to see what crazy thing I’m up to lol. Whatever reason you end up reading my stuff … welcome. I am so excited you made it to the end of my first blog. Come correct my next one lol.XOXO